What’s wrong with me? Everything.
I’m so full of so many insecurities and inadequacies. I’m a useless lump of flesh that’s taking up space on the Earth for no other reasons than to hurt people and be in the way.
I’m paranoid. I don’t even think my friends like me. I’m terrified of people.
I’m terrified of failure. It’s paralyzing.
I’m so lost and confused.
I feel like I’m underwater.
I can’t breathe. I want to throw-up.
When you’re scared and confused and alone, you’re not supposed to push away the people that love you. “Space” and “time” don’t solve anything. But somehow I convinced myself that they would just long enough to fuck up everything. You pull those that love you closer to you when you’re going through bad things. They’re the ones you can trust. They’re the ones that have any hope of helping you.
Now you’re alone. You’ve just lost your everything. Everything is not what’s wrong with you. You’re what’s wrong with everything.

Now that you’ve realized this… it’s probably too late. You can’t fix it by calling him and saying you made a terrible mistake. Doing that is like toying with him. What you wanted was for him to trust you. What you wanted was for him to become what you wanted him to become and do what you wanted him to do. You couldn’t just accept him exactly as he is, even though who he is is exactly why you love him and who he is right now is who loves you. And because he wouldn’t or couldn’t do what you him to do, you did the very thing that would cause him to never be able to. How is he supposed to trust someone who takes his heart out and stomps it? He can’t have faith in someone that has given him no reason to. This is not reverse psychology. This isn’t working.

You are alone. Look at what you did and be ashamed. It’s one thing to conquer your fears by facing them. It’s another thing entirely to let what you’re afraid of become your life.

Nobody should ever endanger themselves by loving you. You couldn’t possibly be worth their time. You’re mean, fat, abrasive, a braggart, a know-it-all, not funny, and cruel. You just crushed the one person that could love you in spite all of that. You are quite possibly the stupidest person in the entire world. You deserve to be alone for the rest of your life. Looks like you’re doing really well to ensure that that happens. Way to go.

You don’t deserve happiness because you will only destroy it for no other reason than because you can.

You’re a stupid bitch.