Turnabout's fair play...

Things are much better between Love and I. I apologized, we talked... we're good.

I hate my friends.

I hate the people that I wish were my friends but am too afraid to initiate anything.

A fear of rejection is only heightened when the people that you thought you could trust turn on you... especially at the age that they did to me. I'm terrified of people finding me "annoying" or "bothersome." I tell people that my phobia is buzzing/stinging insects. Really, I have a crippling fear of feeling like I'm bothering someone. It's why I steer clear of people that don't immediately go, "Omigosh, I love you and want to be around you all the time!" or who don't initiate "friend activities." It's not because I'm lazy or stuck up; it's because I'm terrified of someone deciding that they don't like me to my face. It's a terrible predicament. I want friends.

It's why I'm an overachiever and have to have the A. Professors like people who work hard in their classes and make good grades. At least, I think they do.

I feel incredibly unnecessary.

I just want someone here that I can really talk to. Or just do things with.

I have two right now sort of like that. But they're really busy right now... and I'm beginning to think that I bother them. *sigh*

Gotta hang on to Love. He's the only one that I know won't ever reject me. When he gets perturbed when I poke at him too much or hang on him too much, I start to get that little twinge of terror, but I know that that never lasts for very long. He's the only I trust not to crush me.